President Obama?

Ladies and Gentleman,

I am about to embark upon a treacherous journey to a place where many others have journeyed before me.... that's right... a post about politics!

I have voted in 2 presidential elections. I am old enough to have voted in four, but who's counting. When I turned 18, I was more excited about getting into nightclubs than I was about being able to vote. The first election that I was able to vote in was for Clinton's first term. I had not planned to vote that day. I thought about it all day at work but on the way home, I decided that I was too tired to stand in line at the polls. Fate was at work that day. I was on the subway on my way home when who should I run into? My dad. I asked him where he was headed and he said he was on his way to the polls to vote and implored me to come with him (actually he gave a rather amusing lecture about wasting my rights). So off I went to stand in line at the polls with my dad. Those of you who read my recent post about my Dad are probably not surprised. What can I say--I love that guy!!

The second election in which I was able to vote was Bill Clinton's second term. I figured there was no way Dole could beat him so why should I waste my precious time? I was young--sue me! The third was Gore verses....who was it again? Oh Yeah!!! BUSH!! again I did not vote. Not because I thought that one was more likely to win than the other, I really just didn't care. HELLOOOO SUE ME---STILL YOUNG! I will say that's one were I am REAAALLLY sorry that I did not vote.

The fourth election in which I was able to vote was Bush verses Lurch---I mean Kerry. While I had a strong dislike for Bush, I was not really excited about Kerry, but I thought it was time for the unknown evil. The driving factor or me voting this time around was the fact that I was now a parent and I felt that it was important for my daughter to see me take an active role in determining the future of our country. So she and I went together and I even let her wear the "I Voted" sticker.

So here we are approaching the 5th election in which I am able to vote. Still close to two years out, but I'm kind of excited. I think the republicans don't stand a chance in hell, but I feel strongly enough about the potential democratic candidates that I am thinking about my vote all the time. U.S. Senator Barack Obama announced his development of a presidential exploratory committee which basically means he going to try to catch the golden snitch of the presidency (I know--too much Harry Potter does this to me!)

At this point we have two front runners on the Democratic side, Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama. The prospect of a Democratic candidate who might either be black or a woman is VERY exciting to me. When the subject of Clinton and Obama first started coming up in the news I felt conflicted. As a black woman, where do my loyalties lie? Is this even about loyalties? HELL NO! It's about politics - which is about loyalties by the way. And as sexist as this may sound, I think Americans are more ready for a Black man to run our country than they are for a woman of any color. After all she could get PMS and start a war... in a country... that has done nothing to us!

One of the things that I've heard over the years that I buy into is the effect of the invent of television on politics. Now that we can SEE the potential candidates, how much does their appearance affect the vote? I think a lot. We can see them, hear them and get a broad sense of their personalities. From this we make a decision on who is more likable. Then we throw in their actual stance on political issues to sure up our case for them.

My opinion is that Clinton is just not likable! She comes off to me as cold and power hungry. Many people think she was running the White House when Bill was the president. So does this mean that theoretically she has had her term and should not be eligible to run? And then there's the fact that she stayed with him after he not only cheated on her but lied about it and then humiliated her for all the world to see by announcing his indiscretion on national television. What a fool! Now as an American I feel that the President of our country deserves a blow any time he wants one. The idea is NOT TO GET CAUGHT. So where was Hilary when he needed this blow? Can you say Health Care Reform (WHO?? What's that?? -- EXACTLY!!). In the interest of full disclosure if it came down to Clinton and a republican who intends to "Stay the course" in Iraq, she will definitely get my vote.

Obama on the other hand is a fresh face. He doesn't seem to have the political and personal baggage that Clinton has. His lack of longstanding political experience is what makes him attractive to me as a candidate. He brings the potential of new ideas, new plans, bipartisan relationships and spring and flowers and sunshine and rainbows! (singing..Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kitten...) okay I lost it for a minute, but I'm back.

He has a new plan for withdrawing troops from Iraq that does not include withholding additional funding for the troops that are already there. My opinion on the war in Iraq is that it never should have started, but now that we are there, we have to support our men and women who were brave enough to serve. We need to bring the war to a close and safely bring home our people. How do we do that? I have no idea which is why I am not running for president, but feel free to send your donation to the Let's Pretend I'm Not Gonna Be President Exploratory Committee.

I will be following this race closely and I WILL vote. This time I will vote because I feel that I have more of a vested interest in the outcome--not because of trying to do the right thing with a family member. I will be following the candidates positions on the major issues - in particular the war. I have a family member serving in Iraq and a close friend serving in Afghanistan and I am praying for the safe return of both.

I think we are gearing up for a heated election period and I am very excited about the outcome. My crazy opinions be damned, I encourage each to you to have your say and vote in the 2008 presidential election. I'll see you at the polls!

Virginity - BE GONE!

Yesterday my husband came home from work in quite a state. Instead of greeting me with a kiss and a "How was your day?" I got a very curt "Fix me a drink please". So I'm thinking, Wow he must have had a really bad day at work. Being the "doting wife" that I am (stop laughing those of you that know me personally) I asked him what was wrong. He tells me that he got a phone call from his Ex that their daughter was no longer a virgin! GASP!!! - the world stops spinning, birds become flightless and life as we know it is coming to an end!



My stepdaughter is almost 16 years old and this is not 1952, so I assumed that this event was on the horizon. My husband is heartbroken and looks as if someone just kicked him in the nuts. So I asked the requisite when and where and how does her mom feel about it. We discussed it for at least an hour and he is just sitting there looking defeated and almost like he wanted to cry.


I know how men feel about their daughters especially when it comes to their daughters and sex. The bottom line is that if they really want to do it, there is nothing we can do to stop them. But we to have to arm them with all the information we can and hope that they wait. Realistically, kids today are bombarded with sexual images all day everyday from the revealing clothes kids wear to music videos, television, movies, magazines... you name it and in today's world there is some sexual content to it. While there may be some kids who will abstain, the majority of them will not, and the safest assumption for parents is that their kid will be one of the kids that will not.

What do you do about? Well, being the parent of a 6 year old, I already have my plan laid out. She can stay in after care until she is 12. When she starts middle school - in six years - I already have an agreement in place with my boss that I can take my lunch hour at 2pm, pick her up from school and bring her back to work with me until it's time to go home. We will continue this agreement until she finishes high school. There will be no dating, concerts, sleep overs or any activities other than school that allow her to be out of my sight for longer than 2.5 minutes. Once she goes to college the plan becomes a little tricky. I currently have in development a Vagina tracking system complete with chastity belt and an alarm system that includes sharp needles should there be any unauthorized entry. You can get in on this now parents of girls...it will work! I know it will!!

In reality, even if all of my plans worked out, she will still have sex before I think she is ready. The only thing I can do is be as honest and informative as possible and create an environment where she feels comfortable discussing anything with me. My parents were very open and honest with me about their thoughts on sex and when I decided I was ready to be on the pill my mother took me to get it. When I was 17, my parents went off on an overnight trip and my father laid down the law to me and my boyfriend about him not being there while they were not home. His final words to my boyfriend were "Don't make anything in here that you can't eat" In the interest of protecting my spotless reputation (HA HA HA) I won't discuss what went on while they were gone - but we didn't do a whole lot of cooking!

I have known my stepdaughter since she was 5 years old, and we have a good relationship. So asked my husband if he wanted me to talk to her and he said that I should, but that he would talk to her first. So what should I say?? THE TRUTH. Sex is good when it's between two responsible adults who love and respect each other (I will leave out the part about picking up hot guys at the club for a one night stand - with protection of course) But I think that my conversation with her will have a lot more to do with the consequences of sex rather than the actual act.

Yes she needs to know about unplanned pregnancies, and STDs but I want her to know about how it can impact her future. I want her to know how being irresponsible about sex now could make the difference between going to college and a career flipping burgers. I want her to know about the emotional impact of sex. That there are guys out there who will say anything to get you in bed and that a marriage proposal or declaration of love during the act is often meaningless once the deed is done. So, parents of teenage girls, I invite you to share with me your thoughts on talking to teenagers about sex.

Daddy's Little Girl

We are approaching the first anniversary of the death of the most important man in my life. My father. In the past 3 weeks, I have relived every moment from 12 months ago - from the day we found out that he had cancer (January 17th 2006) through the day he died (February 6th 2006) 2 days after his 55th birthday and 6 days before my 33rd birthday. It was the worst 3 weeks of my life. There is nothing more horrible than watching the man who took care of you, taught you to swim, consoled you when you were sad, dried your tears, and gave you piggy back rides, lay in bed and slowly, painfully die.

My father was not a perfect man. In fact he had many imperfections, but he was there. During his memorial service I pulled myself together long enough to say a few words, because I needed people to know what a good father he was. He was always home. He was hilarious. Every time I saw him he would say to me "Do you know your Daddy loves you". His family came first. He believed in his daughters and he raised them to be strong black women.

He loved his grandchildren. My daughter was born two months premature and had to stay in the hospital for 3 weeks before they let her come home. He was there with me every day visiting her. He would sing to her every day. He loved taking my nephews to the Redskins Fan Day. He would pick out little girly gifts for my daughter - play shoes, purses, sunglasses, jewelry. He took his role as Granddaddy very seriously!

When I was 17 he taught me how to drive - on the interstate! I would have preferred side streets, but still he taught me. He took me to the beach and let the waves knock me down, but he never let go of my hand. He took my sister and me to the toy store at the start of each summer and let us pick out water guns. He would get one too and any time my mother left the house the water gun fight was on!

When I was 14 he told me that men only wanted one thing from women and when I asked him if that was all he wanted from mom when he met her, he answered honestly - YES! He told me stories about his life. He told me to go to college if I wanted to be successful. He told me I should be a writer. He told me that we should write a book together. And right before he died he told me that he loved me, that I was a good daughter and that he was proud to be my father.

I am married now. He was not there to give me away. But he left his two best friends for me. Two men who have known him since childhood and have known me since I was conceived. One of them is my godfather, the other is too, but doesn't hold the official title. One walked me down the aisle and told me jokes along the way to make sure I was smiling in my wedding pictures. The other did the father/daughter dance with me and promised me he would not cry because my father would have been proud. He told me to smile because I looked beautiful and my father could see me.

I love my husband, and I know he loves me. I am not an easy woman to live with, but he puts up with all my craziness and loves me anyway. But in the back of my mind I know that no man could ever love me the way my father did. No man could ever give me that feeling that I would get when I saw my Daddy. I felt like I was 5 years old whenever I saw him. I remember when we were kids and he would come home from work my mother, sister and I would all run to the door shouting "Daddy's home!! Daddy's home" and he would kiss my mother and then my sister and I would sit on his feet and he would walk us around the house until his legs hurt. I miss that, and somehow I don't think my husband would let me do it (smile).

There were times when I was angry with him and through my later teenage years, I went beyond anger to disrespectful. I thought that I hated him. But as I became a woman and realized that no one is perfect - not even Daddy, I let go of the anger and I grew to love him even more. Knowing that he would always be there was comforting. Knowing that he was the type of father who could talk me through my tears and my fears as a young woman was phenomenal. I miss him terribly and my life will never be the same. I want to talk to him again- sometimes I do... Daddy if you are listening I just want to say...

"Do you know your daughter loves you!"

The People Under the Stairs

Everyone has relatives that they wish they could forget. I seem to have an obscene number of them. Particularly ALL of my first cousins on BOTH sides of the family. They run the gamut from ignorant to broke to ghetto to ...well you get the picture. I find myself stalking my caller ID in fear that they will call and want to come over. The phone rings... I debate even looking... OH MY GOD it's them!! Do I answer? No--I don't want to deal with them today. But wait! if I don't answer they might just stop by. OH WHY ME?? WHY ME??

I answer the phone--they are an inevitable evil. They want to come by this weekend. I have no choice but to say yes since I put them off for the last 2 weekends. Then comes the hard part--I have to tell my husband that they are coming. He looks at me with disdain, gives a heavy sigh and says okay fine... I'll be hiding in the bedroom.

Now I love my cousins. They are my family. We grew up together and they have been there to help me every time I have moved. Now that might not seem like much, but I have moved 15 times in the past 14 years. Granted I always pay them, but I was starting to get on my own nerves with all of the moving.

But they are an interesting group...

Cousin A
Blames everyone in the family for his inability to function in the world. i.e.: keep a job, get off probation--you know, standard stuff. But his girlfriend is great. She is smart and responsible and they have two great kids.

Cousin B
Had been the only one on this side of the family without kids. Recently hooked up with a baby making machine 10 years younger than him who can barely speak standard english--I won't even get into the writing like a 6 year old. This girl is 20 years old with three kids by three different guys! The latest kid is my cousins child (so we've heard) and she is a beautiful girl. I loved the name they picked for her (which will not be disclosed to keep their anonymity) at least until I saw how they spelled it. let's just say it's the equivalent of spelling Nicole like this NMIKHOL. That poor child will never get a job that doesn't involve a pole or a spatula. As for her mother, I cannot stand this girl! She comes to my house always wearing clothes that are clearly for a person 50 pounds lighter than her with her hair looking like the back of a sheep's ass. I know you just had a baby but give me a freaking break. Just hearing her talk makes my skin crawl. I refuse to utter her name so I have grown accustomed to referring to her as "that girl".

Cousin C
Is a beautiful girl who is really sweet, but life has been hard on her. She cares nothing about her appearance and is content to walk around wearing grease stained work uniforms - even on her days off. Cousins A and B are her brothers. Their parents both died in 1999 in separate incidents - one in February and the other in October. She is truly lost without her mother. My mother, sister and I have done our best to try to steer her in the right direction but trying to have a conversation with her is like trying to reason with a 3 year old. Both my mother and I have taken her in on separate occasions to give her a chance to get herself together, but it's a lost cause. She has a beautiful 9 year old daughter who has lived with her father for the past year as Cousin A's career choice is the drive through cashier for a fast food restaurant and she cannot afford to take care of the child. Now one might think that had she asked the father for child support or perhaps applied for section 8 so that she would have her own place instead of sleeping on Cousin B's couch, that she might have been able to keep her child with her-- but that's too much like right. She has a boyfriend who is a pretty nice guy--once you get past the weed smoking, cursing, and bench warrants. But he is indeed a BOY. 8 years younger then her, barely out of high school, still living with his mom with not a care in the world--except borrowing money from her to buy weed.

My sister, who has the great benefit of NOT LIVING IN THE COUNTRY has lovingly dubbed the three The People Under the Stairs The thing that cracks me up about them is their need to catch me alone so that they can complain about one another- like their own shit doesn't stink! I will say this about them, I am the black sheep between my sister and I, but they make me look GOOD.

So the weekend comes and now I have to figure out what I am going to feed them. Instead of my family of three, I now have to whip up a meal (and provide beer) for 12 people. And there had better be leftovers, because I know the only reason they are coming to my house is because they don't have any food at home and they really want to watch cable! So I do my whole Martha Stewart bit, provide a great meal a few drinks and Tupperware for them to take the leftovers home. My husband hides in the bedroom until all the cooking is done and then comes down to play the sociable host with them while slipping me dirty looks.

It's a trying day. They have gotten on my last nerve with all of the ghetto talk and the running in and out of the house to smoke cigarettes. Not to mention the arguing back and forth over stuff like who's a better rapper 50 Cent or Tupac (and other vital social issues). Cousin C proceeds to cornrow her daughter's hair on my beige couch. I bring her a towel and she looks offended. I tell her the couch is damn near white and I would like for it to stay that way so either use the towel or go in the basement. The night is long and I have a raging headache. So I send them on their merry way with dinner for tomorrow night, a few leftover beers (lest they should remember there were some left and try to come back for them) and a gift card for the grocery store - which buys me at least 2 weeks before they try to come back.

I love my relatives--really I do, but I am not trying to sleep in the bed that they made!

All I want for Christmas...

I know it's well past the holidays, but I have been in a whirl wind of activity since Christmas. Christmas was a blur of ups and downs. My daughter got way too much stuff as usual. Christmas morning was nice. My daughter enjoyed all of her presents and my stepdaughter decided early Christmas morning that she needed to go home. Conveniently this thought occurred to her after she had opened her presents from us, and I think may have come from the fact that she now wanted to see what her mom got her.

We move on to the lovely family time. My husband and I had agreed to have dinner with my mom at my grandmother's house and then go see his parents. Well we did not leave the house until after 4pm which put us at his mom's house at around 7:30. Well apparently he never told his mom that we were going to my grandmother's first because the whole time we were there all we got from her were little digs about how she spent the whole day cooking and now everything was cold because we took too long to get there -- I mean 3 hours of this!!

This left my husband in a really foul mood so I never got what I really wanted for Christmas which was a little Mommy and Daddy time under the tree after the kid went to bed. Instead I stayed up all night fuming and playing the Sims I love that game--it never disappoints and when bad things happen you can always start the game over. It's the perfect game for people like me who live in a world of Let's Pretend...Worst Case Scenario.

It dawned on me the day after Christmas (after I made up with my husband)that we go through this every year. His mother ruins my Christmas EVERY YEAR....okay I know it's not fair to blame her, but what are in laws for if not to take the blame. So here's my first resolution for 2007... Next Christmas we will be going to her house first! I prefer MY mom's cooking, but one must make sacrifices for a little nookie under the tree!!