Let's Pretend

Today I am going to tell you about my screen name "Lets Pretend" It derives from a game I like to play called Lets Pretend - Worst Case Scenario.

My sister insists that I never want to live in reality. I do not agree. It's just that I can never seem to "live for the moment". It's something I am working on. I like to think ahead... Let's pretend that I won the lottery and I have $100 million dollars (56 million after taxes.) What would I do. Who would I help..." And there's the other end... "The worst case scenario would be if my stepdaughter got pregnant and moved in with us and I end up raising the baby while she talks on her cell phone to her friends and gets ice cream stains on my couch." Could these things possibly happen? Yes they could. Will they actually happen? Probably not!

When I am feeling a little down I play Let's Pretend... I am at the Food Lion and I run into Will Smith and we discover that we both have a love for Wild Vines Green Apple Wine (the cheapest rot gut in the store). He is amazed by how much we have in common and falls madly in love with me -- He can't believe that he has lived his life without me for all these years. He carries me in his arms to his mansion where he massages my feet and feeds me Hershey bars all day. MMMMMM ... I think I need a cigarette.



Then there are days that I worry that I am too happy so something bad is bound to happen like... worst case scenario... My boss discovers that I am NOT really the great employee that he thought I was because all I do is surf the net reading blogs all day (and writing my own) so he fires me. When my husband finds out I have no job, he leaves me and takes custody of our daughter. I lose my house and end up living with my mother who berates me all day for being the disappointing lump she always knew I would be. After I lose my health insurance (because I was too stupid to COBRA) I find out that I have lung cancer and I only have six months to live. At which point I run into Will Smith at the Food Lion who looks at me distastefully, hands me 20 bucks and tells me that there is a shelter just down the street where I can get a bath and a hot meal.


Will these things happen? Probably not. But I like to be prepared. It's a sick sick fetish I know. But it's just me...trying to sleep in the bed I made.

What Kind of Reindeer Are You??

You Are Cupid

A total romantic, you're always crushing on a new reindeer. Why You're Naughty: You've caused so much drama, all the reindeers aren't speaking to each other. Why You're Nice: You have a knack for playing matchmaker. You even hooked Rudolph up!

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?

Overcompensating??

Last January I resolved that I would not over do it this christmas. I have one child at home and a stepchild that does not live with us. Typically we give my stepdaughter money and gift cards. She's 15 and at that age where anything we pick would be met with polite, badly disguised, disdain at our total "uncoolness". I usually start my Christmas shopping in October. I'm big on Amazon shopping because I have faced the fact that I don't event get time alone to use the bathroom let alone spend a leisurely hour alone at the mall. So Amazon it is!

Last Christmas I did my normal Amazon spree and a few days before Christmas I had an unheard of 2 hours alone in the house so I decided it would be a good time to wrap presents. I began pulling the boxes out of not one, not two, but the three closets I had stuffed them in. After I had everything out, I surveyed the damage and realized that I had completely lost my mind. What 5 year old needs this much crap?? My living room was a sea of books, barbies, crayons, coloring books, barbie clothes, not to mention Barbie's Personal PT Cruiser.... you get the idea. I had to take 3 pictures of the Christmas tree just to capture all of the stuff, and to remind myself not to do it again.

So yesterday I got my annual 2 hours alone in the house so I decide to get some presents wrapped. And while I did manage to narrow it down to one closet this year, it's a much bigger closet, I have a huge box in the trunk of my best friend's car and I am expecting another box sometime this week. And yes, once again I totally over did it. This year Barbie is no longer in--It's all about the BRATZ. I am sure you have seen these Barbie whores with the pouty lips and lip liner and the short skirts, and tight t-shirts and the "come f### me" pumps. And the fact that their feet come off is just DISTURBING! I have tried to resist buying them for the last 2 years but she just loves these dolls it's all she talks about...so this year bought them. In my weak defense, I would like to point out that the first two Bratz actually came from her grandmother.

I am beginning to wonder if there is a deeper meaning behind this lack of control. I am a working mom, so Monday through Friday my child is in the care of others from 7:30 am until 6:00 pm. Once we get home, it's dinner, homework, bath, and hair - not necessarily in that order. So while we do have some mommy and me time, it's not of the quality or quantity that I had imagined myself giving when being a mom was "just an idea in my head". Am I buying her things to make up for the time we don't get to spend together? Am I trying to buy away my guilt?

Or is it even more deep seated. We were really poor growing up and while we always received Christmas presents, it was usually only one or two things and hardly ever what we had actually asked for. As an adult I realize that the one or two presents that we got were a struggle for my parents, and so I truly appreciate them, but am I trying to make up for what I missed by spoiling my daughter rotten?

It's been really hard for me to strike the balance between providing and spoiling. I want my daughter to have not only everything she wants, but also everything I wanted when I was her age and I know that I am creating a monster. At this rate, she will be driving a porshe for her 16th birthday! NOT!

So the answer is - no more Amazon. Next year I am not doing any christmas shopping until December and I will do it all at once, in a mall like normal people! This year...I'm just going to try and sleep in the bed I made.

Why I Hate The Principal

My daughter started kindergarten this year and I have already had to go up to the school several times. I know they are tired of me already. She was not getting along with a little girl in her class, and I met with her teacher about it. The teacher told me that the other little girl had a very strong personality and that she would keep her eye on them.

Well not 3 weeks later, this little girl scratched my child in her face so bad that I think it will probably leave a permanent scar. So I came to the school and asked to meet with the prinicpal who made me wait 15 minutes while she littreally shuffled papers in her office -- I know this because I could see her. She knew I was angry and I guess she called herslef buying some time for me to calm down--but it wasn't like I came to whip her ass (my husband had talked me out of that the night before) Then she finally calls me into her office at which point I explain the situation to her.

So there I was with my two page letter about how badly they had handled this situation especially when I had warned them about it, in addition, I included pictures of her face, a copy of the State of Maryland Public Schools code of ethics, documents from the U.S. Department of ED on bullying and harassing, documents from the Department of Justice on violence among girls and my formal complaint to Maryland Public Schools for violent and bullying behavior. Needless to say I was in full protective Mommy mode.

The principal tells me that she was not aware of the situation and she would get back to me that afternoon, she kind of brushed me off like she did not have time and I was over reacting. That was at 7:15 in the morning. By 9:00am I had received 5 phone calls from the school, the nurse, the assistant principal (twice) and the principal (twice). The first call came from the assistant principal at 8:00am - -I think after they read my letter and by documentation they realized that they were not dealing with one of those chicken head mamas and they needed to get their act together.

So the principal asked me if it would be "convenient" for me to come the next morning to meet with the other child's parents and I said fine. We all meet the next morning and the other parents say almost nothing. The mom is just sitting there looking pissed with her arms crossed. While I am quoting statistics on school violence, bullying and admonishing the principal for the way it was handled. I told her I should not have to teach my child to fight because you are not doing your job and I should not have to change the way I am trying to raise my child because of inaction on her part - in those exact words.

I stated in my letter that if they did not handle this appropriately that I would be filing a complaint with the school board and the county commissioner's office. So when she asked us during the meeting how we should resolve the situation - and I believe she meant this as rhetorical question that she planned to answer herself - I immediately stated "The girls need to be in separate classrooms and my child should not be moved because she was the one assaulted while under your care and she was not the aggressor in this situation"

So the other mom is just GLARING at me but still not saying much. And then the principal asked me to leave the room so that they could discuss disciplinary action for the other child. So I waited outside and in the end they put the other girl in another class. But I know that they probably have my picture on the wall up at the school saying RUN IF YOU SEE HER ASS COMING!

They just did not realize who they were dealing with, but I bet they do now!! The thing that I really hated about the principal was that she really came off as one of those people that wants to appear smarter than they really are. For example she spoke very slowly and deliberately as if we, the parents, were children she was trying to control. Now I had already decided that I did not like her because of the way she brushed me off until she read my letter and felt threatened. But to top it off during our meeting she kept saying "pacifically" instead of "specifically" and it was driving me insane!! Did she mean by the ocean--realated to the ocean?? WHAT??

She also spent a great deal of time blaming the teacher and the school nurse both of whom were new to the school and went as far as admonishing the teacher in front of us and then telling us that it was her first year as a teacher - which to me was both uneccessary and demeaning to the teacher (who is actually a really good teacher.)

The thing is that I just moved to this neighborhood and I checked out this school prior to enrolling my child and it seefairlyke a farily decent school and now I am feeling really disappointed. I am thinking about having my car reposessed so that I can afford to pay for private school next year but I guess for now I will just try to sleep in the bed I made.

Christmas Cheer

I seem to be all out of Christmas cheer. Yesterday my husband and I attended our 6 year old's first school Christmas program. OMG I have never been so bored in my life. It was hot as hell in there. More than half the parents arrived late creating the need for them climbing through the rows of those oh so comfortable metal folding chairs to find an available seat. And did I mention that all the kids were supposed to wear black bottoms and white tops or "other christmas attire"?? So WHY--oh please tell me WHY-- there were kids in everything from jeans and t-shirts to EVENING DRESSES!!! I almost fell off my chair when the third grader paraded in wearing what could only be described a a ball gown only suitable for flamenco dancing!

So first the principal (whom I hate!! You will hear about this in another post) gives her little speech which takes about 15 minutes and all she said was "the kids worked hard and happy holidays" Then the Pre-K children sing their 2 little songs which I admit was quite cute. Then it takes them about 15 minutes to get the Kindergarten classes up--now this is the one we have been waiting for. My precious little darling in all her infinite talents was so busy waving at me and Daddy that she could barely sing the words... But still quite adorable. At this point they have run out of chairs so people are just standing in the aisles blocking everyone's view of the stage etc. So after the kindergarten class comes the first and second graders... At this point the microphones start giving feedback and rather than turning the damn things off (after all there are 50 kids singing damn it WE CAN HEAR THEM) they try to fix them. So for the 15-20 minutes while these poor kids tried to sing their 3 little songs the audience (and the kids on stage) are covering their ears because of the feedback. Then oh joy... Here come the 3rd graders... At this point I looked at my husband and said "You grab the kid. I am going to get the car!"

I'm not a bad parent--really I'm not but I mean really! I have 12 more years of this crap to suffer through. How the hell did my parents mange to get through it with not one kid but two. I think I should call them to apologize. My mom is getting a huge present for Christmas. I hope I find my cheer before the 25th but right now I am just trying to sleep in the bed I made.

TAKE OUT THE FREAKING GARBAGE!!

I have been contemplating starting a blog for a while now. I've been a lurker of other blogs for awhile and I wonder if I will have interesting things to say.

It seems like I think most about starting a blog when I am pissed off at my husband. So like every day!

Here's today's gripe. I work all day, come home, fix dinner, do homework with the kid, a load of laundry maybe. He comes home has a beer, a hot meal, and watches TV until bedtime. What's wrong with this picture. You know tomorrow is trash day. I know tomorrow is trash day. Why is it that the trash does not go out until I start bitching about it? And then you want to come back in the house and have an attitude with me for nagging. What the hell?!?!?!

Am I nagging when dinner is hot on the stove when you get home? Am I nagging when you always find a clean towel and wash cloth in the bathroom when you want to shower? Am I nagging when ...okay you get the point.

Okay, so I married him....was he like this before I married him? YES! Did I think things would change when we got married? Not really?? So why did I marry him? Today I really don't know..it seemed like a good idea at the time. Right now I am just trying to sleep in the bed I made.