One Thing at a Time

I decided that I need to deal with my life changes one at a time. The first thing to change was my job. While I like parts of me old job, I could see that the company was losing it's edge and was about to take a turn for the worse. My old boss tried to convince me to stay, and I was tempted, but decided that a change was just what I needed. Soon after I made the change they started laying people off and I am certain that I would have been on that list since they no longer had my line of business.

The new job has been great. I love my new boss and I certainly feel appreciated. It has it's stressful moment as with any job, but I feel like I am much more in control of my professional direction and I feel that I have the support I need to take myself to the next level--whatever that is. It's nice to work for someone who respects your opinion and looks to you for advice, but as they say be careful what you wish for - - it's a lot of pressure.

I think I want my next move to be running my own business and I definitely think I am on my way to developing the skill set needed for that but in the back of my mind I am thinking "Why the hell do you want to own a business?" Do I really want to be responsible for someone else's paycheck. Am I prepared to put the business before all else. I want to say yes, but I look at my child and know that the answer is no. So what to do?

I always thought I would be superwoman and have it all. Exciting career, well adjusted children, beautiful house with a white picket fence, perfect husband. Do people really have all of these things? I can honestly say I don't know anyone that has them all. Am I looking for something that can't possibly be had?

I am a good mother. My child is well taken care of, fairly intelligent, definitely loved, but spoiled rotten. I am a good employee, I work hard, meet all of my deadlines, I even work on the weekend when it's neccesary, but there are days when I spend my time surfing the net because I just can't focus on the work to be done. I have a nice house that I am grateful for, but no picket fence and it needs some work. I have mate, but I am still undecided on our fate. I realize that he is not perfect, and neither am I, but I can't help but wonder if I could do better, if he could do better, if we would be happier apart. I don't know yet but for now I am just trying to sleep in the bed I made.